-mezzanines; nightmare-

Perfect meme to start this post.

Last night, I went to sleep at 12 a.m. (which is quite normal for  the night before mathematic test)

And suddenly, a nightmare.

I was going for a trip with four friends (but only one of them is familiar) to a place I don't know.

We're walking at old shopping complex (well maybe like "Kota Tua", but not in Indonesia) when we decided to go look for a place to stay.

Then, we entered a hotel - or more likely an old place with rooms to sleep. There're only two rooms on the first floor, and the other one is not used anymore (the receptionist - which is also scary - told us that the room is used by the 'guard')

Tired, we decided to relax at our own beds and talked about the scary things.

As you all know, I am a scaredy-cat, and the others tried to convince me that those things don't exist.

Worse, the room was kinda gloomy (with all that old-looking furniture and insufficient lamp) and I had to sleep at the furthest bed (there's 5 beds, and mine's closest to the door)

Just when I tried to be calm and believe that nothing would happen, I felt that somebody - or something - held my hand (the same way we use our bolsters)

Well you guys could guess how I'd reacted, right? *fuck*

Then she (yes, it's a little girl) started to talk. Sad things; I couldn't remember what she said exactly.

I tried to talk to her like talking to normal people (of course I was scared, I couldn't move at all) when suddenly she said "Sebenernya aku bukan anak kecil, aku udah SMA, bahkan lebih" (not going to translate this one, it'll sound so strange that it isn't scary at all)

And then, I could feel that she grow. Then, she held - not literally held, more like trying to stab my hands- with her nails.

Shocked, I woke up at 4 am. OF COURSE I couldn't get back to sleep. So I decided to go online LOL.

So I did my maths tryout with only 4 hours of sleep. Damn.

To be honest, I never (or rarely) caught nightmares. And I'm quite afraid, because dreams were usually a sign for something. I hope nothing bad would happen x_x

-day 127-

Greetings. On 24th of March, two of my friends had their birthday.
So today we decided to throw a surprise for them.

It was a happy moment. Or at least, it should be.
But memories from my birthday still haunts me even until now, making me somehow allergic to surprise parties.
I hate it so much. It's still fresh, when I cried because nobody gave any effort to make one for me.
I was so disappointed (not that I join - and arrange surprises because I want them to do the same, but still...) that I got depressed.
And today, the depression strikes back.

(deleted)

Yeah it's dumb, I know. But still it helps me to face problems and not hurting others :v

After that, we (me, Nces, Tania and Jose) went to CP, ate at Kitchenette (Nces' treat) walked around and finally talked at Comebuy. It was a great time with them *hugs*

Well I know that today's post is so fucked up, but thanks for reading anyways :)

-day 126-

Started with the "IELTS" test....
We spent rest of our day @ the hall.

First, we had a seminar - motivation seminar - (and I thought that it'd be nonsense and useless)....
And that was F-ing amazing. Really.
Well, especially the second speaker, Mr. Mario Suntanu (fyi he graduated from SMAK 1 8 years ago lol) who told his story.....
It's like he's perfect in every single aspect of life, which makes me jealous.
Continued his study at Stanford and Harvard. That's helluva university.
When I heard his story suddenly I feel motivated and happy.... But it didn't last long.

Went home, talked to my parents and suddenly realised that life isn't always fair.
The truth is, it is fair for someone who have the money.
Like, my dad said, that "to study abroad you won't need intelligence (which I know it's not true; except if you want to study at a nobody-knows-where-and-what-is-it university), all you need is money"
A lightning struck me (no, not literally, I'm still alive) right at my heart. At that moment I realised that his statement is true. If you can't pay, there's nothing you can do (if you're that smart - THAT smart, maybe you could apply for the scholarship)
You may dream. Dream as much as you can. But be prepared....

I was an optimistic happy girl back then. Over time, life killed my dreams and slowly scrape my idealism and optimism away. Life was easy. Never failed, never rejected.
I never have to try hard to achieve things. It's like I don't have to do any effort. AND I DO REGRET IT.
Maybe, if I tried harder, I could go to a better university. Maybe, if I had more money, I could go to a better university too.
But, I don't.

Well that's enough complaining I've done. Maybe it's time to get back to the real world.